What is going on?

It's been a while, alot of things have happened and infact I am unsure of my present situation...Wow Im overwhelmed but Im not complaining. God has been good and Im feeling no guilt.I dont want to hurt anyone and so this is what makes it even more harder. what is important for now is to wait awhile and see wether my concerns are relevant. but no matter what, in as much as i created the problem myself, I know I am the only one that can be the solution. I know its weird but im ready to die, not in any physical manner but just to give myself up for the greater good. there is no place for anger, regret or denial, just hope of a new life.
The SUn is still shinning you know. and I can still enjoy that scope of ice cream. It aint the end of the world just yet.what in the world is going on, could this be? I hope not, God I pray not.

I have a way of contradicting myself.how? procrastination. i leave things that need to be done until the last minute, until it hurts.

Storms of life rush to my direction
i find myself hanging on tide to my very soul, clinching with all my might
I cannot let go, even if it hurts

thought my bright green lights were dissapearing
something within me wont let the light fade away
It sings a song of inner emancipation, songs of a better tomorrow
I gotta do it anyway
the passion will not die, amist confusion and pain
it still rages like fire
faith still triumph over misery and pain

We fall down,we get up.we face sorrow and we face pain but yet we rise.Its been a while since i expressed any kind of feeling through writing but here i go.
Im still running, after all this time im still running. i sometimes wonder what keeps me going, is it my family, my siblings or is it simple the strength and grace from above.I have had my share of heartache and tribulation, i have made great mistakes in my life but after its all said and done his grace has been sufficient for me.TIME for introspection, who am i? HUMAN